Ramadhan 2012

Alhamdulillah..

I'm alive till Ramadhan 2012..thank u Allah..

Butt this Ramadhan will never be the same..
No more sweet daddy's little girl..no more father n daughter's memories to share..no more lighten up oil lamp around the house..no more laughter of his stupid jokes thru out the whole fasting month

Aku redha..

But then I found myself crawling up to stand on my 2 numb feet..not so numb after all...since that day I've come up my pocket money plan..hehe

Its started wif azie's tudungs and a week after that I've came up wif clothings like skirts,blouse n jubah..

But..

I can never make it out at the booth..since the owner of the booth (edy's evil cousin) banned me from doing that with unreliable reason 'takut xmuat booth'...(˘_˘") since when I rent ur booth?I'm always put my stuff in front of ur booth,OUTSIDE on my own stand,plus I gave u whateva komisyen grant from the sale itself..

Edy was right..I shud have listen to him..
She's evil..she never think about people..

Well..after cried a few hours..I spend 2 nights in a rown..not sleep at all..finish up my new strategy.. ONLINE!

FB of course,blogs,and BBM..

So far didn't run like waterfall but its still working..

By the way (xbaik cite buruk org) but this will be pengajaran for all..
The girl who make my 3k sale disappear..Allah granted my pledge..and her money were stolen the night she gone to pick up new stock and it was RM 3K (o_O)'

See how Allah give payback?

I'm glad...(Jahatnya aku)

Next thing I knew..edy's got new project at PetroFab.. (ˆ⌣ˆ)/ yay!

Allah make the road to marriage went well..

Thank u Allah..

For everything.


Syukur..

Xoxo


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What If?

Mom just called him..

He's having a fever..I don't know wether its mild or severe..mom's gonna prepare if she have to bring him home tonight..

What if its severe?..

What if there's another consequences coming up..

I don't know what I'm tinkin..

I felt a bit scared too..
Wish if anythin goes wrong..it will happen here,not there..

Please God..I'm jus being too protective..I love my mom n brother so much..I can't barely seen their tears n blood..I'm sorry..


Xoxo


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Happily Never After

im sorry..my heart's already closed..i just can watch u go..walking throughout the wooden front door..

what am i supposed to say?..im not happy you're not dead yet?
its clearly shown in your eyes..u've never loved me...
you just like the other daddy..
you no longer care about me since im accompany my mother thru thick and thin...

what kind of father are u??


my heart sank..but im not sorry for what ive done to you..
'pandai2 la cr duit sendiri nk tunang nk kawin,buat ape mahal2'

abestu aku ni anak pompuan ko sorang je pun..aku berkorban ape saje utk ko ngn mak aku bersatu..ini balasan ko pada aku..Oh lupa..ko kan bakal menimang anak baru..anak haram yg ko buat tanpa segan silu..

Igt..Allah tu Maha Kaya..aku mungkin anak derhaka..jika Allah benar2 adil..ko akan rasa sakit sepertimana sakitnya hati isteri ko dan anak ko yg ko sakiti selama 10 tahun lamanya...


ill be waiting for that..

for now..

for me..
you already DEAD..


xoxo

The Inception

Orang Kate iblis,syaitan ni ada di mana2..dan di saat manusia dikuasainya..tiada apa yg dpt menghalangnya..melainkan Allah swt..

Aku jahil orangnya..aku byk dendam dan byk putus asa dalam titian hidup aku sehingga ke hari ini..

Dr aku lahir smplah tahun 2003..aku bukan seorg yg mudah mengalah,ape jua cabaran aku sahut..ape saja aku buat,kena marah pun aku xpeduli..
Camping,cycling,sports..aku buat even aku ni bukanlah hebat mana pun,kalah je memanjang..tp aku buat..

Aku terkenal ngn sifat ceria n gila2..muka aku xpenah putus ngn senyum..cuma nakal aku ni bab lelaki..hehe..closed fren sume tahu..can't get long too long..hahahah..ape ntah ayat..

Aku kuat kalo soal solat n bdoa,yassin pun aku baca every week khamis malam jumaat..itu antara ajaran mama aku yg xpenah aku lekang and lawan..

Bak kata org..panas xsampai ke petang..hujan di tengahari..tp dalam life aku,aku rs ni lah ribut La Nina yg pertama dan xpenah berakhir sehingga ke saat ini..

Menjelang SpM...segala2nya musnah..parents bermasalah menjadikan aku bermasalah sampai hari ini..
Bukan sekali dua..tp bekali2..bukan setahun dua..tp bertahun2 lamanya..bukan xpenah aku berusaha..tp akhirnya kecundang dan pengertiannya adalah sama..USAHA yang Sia2..

Dr sejak titik hitam dlm keluarga aku itu..aku makin menjauhi Allah..aku semakin tawar melihat titisan airmata mama hari demi hari..aku menjadi semakin bosan utk berdoa memohon perubahan bila aku dengar ungkapan dan percakapan mama yg saban hari makin merosakkn dirinya..

Ape dosa dia sampai ke tahap ni Allah duga dia?kenapa?dia buat segalanya utk anak2 dia..perkara yg bukan wajib ke atasnya selepas kahwin..dr kecik dia xde ayah,dibesarkn oleh pakcik yg xpenah menyayanginya,berumahtangga dengan lelaki yg gaji hanya cukup makan 2mulut..
Tp dia tabah buat ape saja..dia berusaha utk senang..
Tapi Kenapa tak kau bg dugaan pd perampas ya Allah..
Tu macam auntie Lina yg rampas Unc Hairani tu..dia hidup senang lenang,bini pertama smp kerusi pun beli hutan,manusia jenis ape yg kau bagi kesenangan ya Allah?!

Hancurnya hati aku saban hari melihat manusia2 sebegini tidak mendapat keadilanMu..

Aku mmg jahil..tp mereka xpenah putus mengabdikan diri padaMu..

Berikanlah kebahagiaan pd mereka ya Allah..

Aku bersalah hari ni kerana aku derhaka pada ayah ku sendri..tp tpulanglah dgn cr apa aku akn di adili di akhirat..tetapi adili aku d akhirat sepertimana Mu mengadili mereka2 yg jahat di muka bumi ini di akhirat jua..

Amin..

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Lips Are Sealed

On the 5th day baby arrives home

Papa suddenly arrives home too at the moment me n mama was in the clinic wif baby..

(˘_˘") everytin shattered..mama seboleh2 nk jupe pa..she ran to her frens house..

Notin I cud do..I came home just be normal..even my heart sank..

He didn't ask for mama..
He didn't show the face of happily home for us..

Truth came out as he spoke to my brother the reason he came bck..just ana c his grandchild and ask him to come over to Johor fixin the karaoke system..


(˘_˘") mama ran away like a fugitives..he's at home like don't bother at all...

That day..I've bcome a mother,a sister,an aunt,and a women,drives here and there..run errands..


Preety exhausted thou..


Xoxo


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The New Members

I am in the Labour Waiting Hall..

Hee..

Tepat Jam 2.40pm waktu Malaysia I've received a sms from my brother.. 'Alhamdulillah..Baby Boy'

26-06-2012

Mohd Iman Yusuff finally born in Kemaman Hospital..which not as great as we expect but Thank Allah for everytin..



As a Hamba-Nya..there's always a klise in every cheer we had..

Soon out from Labour Room..my sis in law and her baby was transfered to OnG (Obstectric n Gynae) Ward for observation..

The 1st knock down was when she's almost collapse in the bathroom while changing maternity stuff,its lucky me and my brother was there to hold her up..

She lost her strenght..everyone is terrified seeing those pale blue lips with barely bloodless skin..

Nurses rushed..after few hours..she's back in stable..but still weak..

The next day..was the 2nd knock down..
Baby was revealing jaundice condition..
Blood samples have been took..its 200..
Relieved..

Baby n mommy's come home


Best Yet..I'm glad they all safe and sound at Home Now


Thank U Allah..


Xoxo


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Revenge of The Parsel Tongue

I'm not Harry Potter..mind u! Hehehe..

But the word parseltongue for those who didn't watch the series seriously don't know the meaning of it..No Doubt

Actually its an ability to speak with snake or in other word..'Snake's language'? (˘_˘") bodonya ayat..ahahaha


But true..that's what Harry'a posses of..

In My word..parsel tongue refers to snake of course..people who talk like a snake..Hisssssst..

In malay so called 'lidah biawak'..in my dict..I called it parseltongue.. :p lidah ular..hahahahha

People who are parseltongue cud be any of us..but true enough this parseltongue behavior would tear anyone hearts in its path..sometime deeply inside no more sympathy or mercy..say what u may..parseltongue will shut u away..


Aku penah kena..dgn siapa?xperlu tahu..haha

But..everitin has its own limits..

Even a calm faith of Kung fu can make a mirror to a poisonous snake..

Snake does has weakness thou..

Soon there'll be a list of revenge for the parseltongues...


So mind your tongue paul..


Xoxo



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The Untold Story

I don't know how to say how hurt am I today..

Woii BODOO!!!

Words I didn't expect from a person I love..I wonder if one day I've become his..what kind of words will be poured on me..

I'm just a girl..full of attention seeker behavior..I'm facing 33years marriage of parents divorce,painfull sting bite by UR favourite pet..and crumbling myself in order to be the head of a company in a field which I've never expect I will be..

I'm just sayin..its hurt u're not around me..I'm mad of myself keep craving for u..


Why those words make u mad of me,hate me..and call me BODO?

(T____T)

Since u see urself having a future..since that u hurtin me slowly...


Dun force me beggin God for mercy..
Ull pay it one day..

Untold story..lots to be untold sometime..have to be out somehow


Xoxo


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Unheard Tears Of A Daughter

Today everitin was planned by her
Whatever she want..

Does ever she reconsider what her children felt?whatever have we done for her,to protect her,has she ever grateful for that?


She ever tink of herself..she,her,herself and her life..her own ruin fantasy..

Now I'm thinkin a part..am I hate my dad or my mom?..

I think I hate both now..

Coz they never grateful for what me and my brother did for them..they just care about themselve..


Why Allah..?



Xoxo


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Falling Into Pieces

Blackout + empty pocket + family's rumble + ALONE

At this moment..what I need the most is someone who can say nice words to me..make me belive that everitin happen doesn't as bad as I thought..someone that willingly be my side and wipe the tears from my cheek..someone that will hold me tight when I say 'I'm ok'..

Someone who put an earphone into my ear and play songs I loved when I covered my ears and closed my eyes...

Someone I hope who will magically understood that I'm not that strong to face this drama..

Someone who will take my hand and run with me out from the house which I couldn't stay...

Someone who never ask what I want for myself..just do what thinks might can help me..

Someone who kiss me and say 'its ok,u hv me'..


Someone..
Wonder this person actually exist?
For now..its impossible..

Everyone is selfish and just care about themself..

I'm regret mostt of my life disregard people who really cared before..



Wish I could have this person now


ALone..


Xoxo


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Drama King's Daughter

People say what we look like is all came from what our parents have..I might say 'like father,like daughter'..

Beginning of the sequal actualy just a hint for a father to realise that he made another him 25years ago was his misfortune..


Once and for all..

If the gate of hell reserve a couple seat jet,I think,I'm gettin both tickets with my dad..funny huh?

I don't know wether I should be mad of him,hate him,or just be glad that I still have one?

Forcing myself to hate him wasn't pretty convinent plause..yet I'm hooked up wif the law of religion..

Doesn't mean I'm agree of what he did..one day he'll realise he just make a stupid deciosion to his wife..a person who always be there for 33years..

Realise..

Xoxo


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Tears of Future Bride

Everyone seems happy for me..

The day comes..he propose me..and as far for that I've bcm more closed to his mother like never before..

I like this kind of situation..yes I do..

Just thinkin about the drama from my side..sank my heart far enough..deep down forever..
They hv arrived yesterday..suppose a couple happily ever back from Mecca was what we hope..but..as we expected..

Season 32,Volume 1,Part 1,Scene : HOME...

ACTION!!

Same old quarrel thee..(˘_˘") nothings change both of them..the quality of forgive n forget,till death us apart,undrstdg n trustworthy,especially LOYALTY..just another comedy Ill enjoyed every second of it..

I'm out of tears..out of angry..out of hope..

The wishing well already closed..and now I'm giving up..



No more wishes..


Xoxo


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Empty Pieces

I have to admit...

I didn't like what has been going on around me now..

Doesn't mean I'm not gratefull that I'm still alive and have dollars wif me...(˘_˘")

I'm just..sigh~

There's a part of me still missing..
The cravingness of having own life..

I love pictures
I love music
I love entertainment

Sounds broad..
Sometimes I cried of myself..
Cried of what I've become..
Cried of what I haven't do

I miss myself..
I want create my own life..
The life I wish since I was kid

Life unexpected..
Yeah yeah..tell me about it (˘_˘")

Few things my brother said was true..I know its true..
But what can I do?

I might do something different if god take them from me..
Till then..I'm too fragile in letting resposible go..
Eventhou I hate having it..

Wish everything will change..
Will be on my side..for good..


Xoxo


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Eyes of Legs

Poligami..

Hmm..islam did note out in al-quran about that

And firmly advise about guys have to be affirmatively eligible to divide love,attention,money,responsible

As for me...
Here's the statement I'll say on my wedding day..
"Sy xmengharamkan poligami,tetapi sy berhak utk tidak menjadi salah seorg ahlinya,allah tidak kejam pada wanita,manusia tidak berhak memaksa manusia lain menggunakan agama..sy mahu kebebasan agar sy dpt seorg insan baru sebagai suami baru.."

Sounds terrible isn't it?haha..

I'm just saying the truth..I don't wana hurt anyone..and I don't wana be hurt..I have the rite to choose..marriage just not the end of a woman's life..

So just let me go..

This is me..I have eyes on my legs..
I tend to jump of the hook rather than keepin faith so the hook won't hurt me much..

I'm not that strong
Not that believe I will either...


Its shock me a bit when my BFF said that she'll be fine if one day she's gonna have 'madu'

(˘_˘") I just doubt that coz she is an attention seeker...even now she complain how he's treatin her..

And plus..she still misses a guy from her past...

Life's cruel..
Truth's hurt too..


Bouncing tails..

Xoxo

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Written

Its another daddy's home weekend..

Nothing speacial just I spend my MARA on everitin to make everyone in the house happy..

I'm happy doing it..

Slightly was there a sign that I've expected long time ago but didn't realize it happen too soon when the weekend ends..

3rd May 2012..

It was early morning as I've woke up by my mom usual 'trademark knock' haha..
I didn't expect any worse just her usual rambling of pray and morning person attitude..

But soon its quite long than usual..

She knock my brother's room..

Its unusual..


I'd scattered out my foot of the bed ran towards the door..as soon the door's opened I saw mama'a tears running rain down her cheek with her android on her hands..its still engage..with MY DAD

'He's married to that BITCH,and I'm going to have my talaq'

My heart sank..heavy and destroyed as the TITANIC was..

Everything scattered,tremble,drain in such a pathetic illusion..soon at 7.45 we arrived in Kota Tinggi,Johor..

Wasn't a pleasant scene to remember but nevertheless a reminder for the 3of us..me,along n of course mama..

My dad verbally 'lepaskn dikau dengan TALAK 1'...after a small quarrel ceremony..thank God

But as a daughter..I've hurt my father..I'm sorry dad..its maybe the time that u realize,ure baby girl now is a woman who have heart and open minded eyes..

Its written..my parents officially separate..soon she's going to filed it in court..legally..

I am sad..disappointed with my dad..pity my mom for all the love and hope she put her trust to him..in the end..its all nothing..

He doesn't appreciate her as how he should be 25years ago...

He's happy wif his new wife and future unborn baby..good for him

In other hand..me and along will struggle hard to make sure mama's gona make it through with her new status 'WIDOWED'

Ya allah..if u really the FairNess of All..
I beg for ur mercy..give the love mama should have..repay my dad for all the hurt he cause to much for her..please..she's suffered enough..




Xoxo



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The Weeks Of Heaven

Anyway as I've mention previous blog...my convocation day has arrived...and I'm proud to be one..the dip holder now..haha

2weeks in a row I've been to kL for my convocation and vacation..hee..as usual..he's wif me all the time,all the place,high and low..

Eventhou its just in kL but these 2weeks really make me feel brand new..
I'm change a bit now..
What I've change to?..
Another 19days to figure out here..


(ˆ⌣ˆ)♉


He's doin his best to be with me..and I can say its worthwhile..coz I do appreciate his effort..
The seminar of New Zealand opened up our mind for new life there..but there's one problem..

MONEY for PR COST

Still have to figure it out later..but then wish could meet Ian again on consultation soon..


Till then...

Indonesia..Medan,Dumai,Jakarta..

WAIT FOR US!!


Me On The Go

Xoxo

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The Beautifull of Ijab n Qabul

Clearly my subject were definition to a marriage ceremony... (˘_˘")

But what I'm really wana talk about is how many out there didn't really understand about ijab n kabul,the rules of marriage and sometimes misunderstood the benefits from it..

Especially when we read newspaper headlines today..marriage abuses,child abuses,syariah cases,nusyuz,taqliq and all..
The mistakes came form us,human of course..reason = too ego to accept self lack of perfection

I have different of experiences heard around my relatives lately..
As my parents..they didn't go well thou..so..out of the hook here..
2 of my aunt are married to mualaf..unc heins originally swiss,and unc brian were portugese..they both are such a wonderfull husband I ever met..they treat my aunts well..much2 better than malay guys..this is true..and fact that I've saw with my naked eyes..

I didn't prejudice malay thoughts of marriage..but I do somtimes sadly regret to man who become overpower with the status of husband..but then he can be toleranted and understandable..2 things that make a marriage happily ever after and last till death..

Unc brian n unc heinz when comes to religion..their practice on islam is more deeper than we are today who was born as 'muslim' ...sad huh? (˘_˘")

Wish my marriage will be as happy as my aunts have..

I don't wana b like my parents..I'm really hope there someone out there full of love come and rescue my mom's heart

But best yet and fact...we all bound to this custom..so don't be ridiculos of the HAK and HAKIKI..


Think OutSide The Box

XOXO



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Miracle Has It

Remember when our parents,teachers,frens,grandparents thought us since kid about faith and miracle?..

I used to hold on that until few years back that have change my life a lot..I'm kinda lose faith..lose the appetite for life..the craziness to look good..feel good about myself..

Wonder where its gone..

Until I've finished my study,settle up my practical exam with the very absurb attitude of mine..

Yet when the result came out..
3.06
(ˆ⌣ˆ)♉
Kinda bit suprise that everitin I wish for has been approved by God..

Later I've been entitle for graduation in 14th april 2012..while the rest of my fren were out of list?..

The question marks continues since I still have few thing regarding mara which didn't settle up yet..just soon I went to college last few days to pay up convocation fees..

Everitin went smoothly..

Alhamdulillah..

Ill be graduating this april 2012...

My moms birthday month..hehe

Yet I believe..
Miracle has It own ways..
So friend..don't doubt..rejoice ur faith..and Allah will lead the way


Syukur
Xoxo



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The Secret Plot

My status in BBM seem become the topic of quarrel now..

But what I don't understand is why pick up my frens to be the target to spill out all my weakness,my fault and everitin?

Why u have to show to them that u have a bunch of thins that u hate about me

But still bein with me
In bed with me
Financially shared with me

Why?!

Am I too hideous to be with u?
Or u just can't handle me anymore?


Then keep assuming things until I kept my mouth shut

Then called me to say I'm sorry,I'm doin that just for u to be better and all

Ure not that angel to me
U treat me wrong twice..

Its up to u..
I don't want to bother anymore..


Xoxo


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White Lies

Ok..frankly...I did lie sometimes...

People will lie to protect themselves

To protect others

To eliminate people

To avoid

To have something

With good or bad intention..


Lies can truely damage a relationship eventhou its for own good..
Having a relationship is not a easy for those who can't share and spare..
And for those who can never say truth...

So timbang tara lah dri sendri..

How good you are in a relationship.
Coz when it falls apart..don't blame anyone
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In Between

People said don't go againts family...

But what if the family goes wrong?...

And obeying them which means hurtin self years further..

Then in the end when the family GONE...

We were left alone...hurt..


He's done everitin he could..includin being nice..
Why everyone said he will change?..
Even itf its true..what's the big deal of that?.
I DO CHANGE ok?

I just want him beside me..it doesn't matter eventhou..ahh..can't think about it...

I want to be pampered..like always..
I want to get sulk...like always..
I want to have somebody who willing to sniff a smile eventhou I've fart a LOT
I want him..

Just him..


(T_______T)


Xoxo


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Just My Dad

Daddy come home last few days...

Nothing special..just as usual..

And I'd cooked..RENDANG

I know he's kinda don't bother..

But I don't know why I'm willing to get exhausted preparing things to impress him..

That doesn't change the fact that he just my dad...

And forever it will stay..

Just My Dad

Me On The Go

Xoxo..


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Alarm

This is not the 2nd time I felt this way...


I'm afraid...


This happen on the time when he decide to have a JV with my brother..

And months later it turn up to be a big quarrel n hateness

And tonight..

Again they talk over the same thing..
New JV..what the hell?

Is this a good sign or just an active dormant of valcano..I'm tired of hearing such a nuisance from both of them complaining each other..

I'm feeling not good again...

I know this will be more subsequal war..and this might the beginning of worst...

The clock is ticking..

Xoxo


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The Same Dream

Eat Pray Love Travel

I love the sequal anyway...this what I've been dream of every single day of my life...
Ehem.. I know the third word was mine..absolutomente..

Now I'm working with my mom,as a PA+driver+adviser..

I didn't earn like my frens but I'm happy with it at least u have my own bed,without worrying my saga (have been paid by my dad now) haha and still I can keep money for travel and all..

I'm planning to go to island..anywhere in Malaysia first..just wana feel the beat of a tourist..backpackers..yeah..that's what I like

By the way..last nite was just the same dream...

As I woke up..I kept smiling...it didn't go away..I won't go away..stay the same..down low..its not over yet I guess...


Keepin Dream

Xoxo


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Durian VS Timun

Wonder what's the title supposed to mean isn't?

My love have been here in my house since a year ago..

Helpin my family high n low..and vice versa..

But since he involved in the business evertin bcomes not nice..almost eveyday ill be hearin unwanted words n comments from my family about him..

Serba tak kena..plus masing2 complaint belakang jek..only me yg xpuas ati ngn dia yg akn tegas n ckp direct..

Ya allah..ape sume ni?..adakah Kau mahu aku idu keseorgan sampai tua?atau biarkn dri aku menabur dosa2 lalu pada insan yg xbersalah kemudian hari?
Kenapa mesti dia yg ku pilih..ade aje yg xsempurna..aku rimas dengan keadaan ini..

Ape lagi yg family aku nk?org yg boleh serah nyawa dan harta baru di kira bagus?mcm tu?..

He's been away from home almost 2 years now...

Its time for u to go home love..I'm sorry..
I have to send u home..its better no one at the house permanently now...

U r too stubborn love...u never listen to me..what u must do,and must don't..u never listen..now ur making our relationship become more complicated coz of my family..

U never understand that notin can be done in ur way..not everytin...

Nevertheless...ill always love u...as long as u alive..


But now..its time for u to go home..tonight..no more days delayed...u have to go home..
Its for ur own good..so u can rest urself..away from chores my family made u do it..

Ill finished up ur resume..u need to have a life now...not like this anymore...



I'm sorry..

I love u..



Xoxo


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Another Closed Chapter

(ʃ˘̩̩̩з˘̩̩̩)ʃ ƪ(˘̩̩̩ε˘̩̩̩ƪ). Gonna miss u!!!!

Said Debab n Shemong as the last we met after final exam...

3years of Diplomas already finished up..I mean not literally..still got convo n transcript issue later then..

Can't believe myself..I'm finally finished my dip at the age of 25th,,(˘_˘") kinda late thou..since my other friends at my age already having wonderful worklife n some of them already married..unfortunately as degree holder..

Hmm...as my study days over..now its time to step up in the new world of stage..I've been there before but repeatin the sequal seem preety stressful..

Years ago doent bother me much as I enjoy being a workaholic girl at the age of 22nd..didn't bother about family,soulmates..just me,myself and I.. No stress,but it doesn't last long..

Thanks to syerizizi (my devil elder brother) (˘_˘") maybe I should say..SCREWWW u!! For planting too much obsession to study back after enjoying my own penny..eventhou he didn't agree that time..but keep toturing me will make u realize that..I'm different dude..

Lagi ko xsuka,lagiii la aku buat..I don't give a damn about that

My heart pulse...when it comes to word MARRIAGE...hmm..

In consideration since none of us both have stable job n stable income..
But still the plan as always.. 12 DEC 2012
Let see how God lead us to

Anyway..I'm heading home to my beloves..gona be busy tomorrow..I'm sure about it...

Now its time to grow up erni..u have to..





Me,On The Go

Xoxo.


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